🤝 Why Workplace Relating Can Be So Hard (and What It’s Really Asking of Us)

Workplaces are relational ecosystems. Whether we’re leading, managing, collaborating, or supporting — we’re always in relationship. We're not only in relationship with others, but also with ourselves.

And for all the strategy and systems in the world, what tends to trip us up the most isn’t the work — it’s the relating.

Maybe it’s the frustration with a colleague who's always wanting to control; the awkward tension after giving honest feedback; the confusion about why you shut down in meetings with that one particular person; or the slow fade of motivation because something in the team dynamics just doesn’t feel…right.

This isn’t a failing — it’s just being human — and, it’s also a doorway.

🧭 Relating at Work Isn't Just About Communication—It’s About Regulation, Identity, and the Unconscious

Relational challenges are often treated as technical:

“Improve your communication skills” “Get better at creating boundaries” “Use the sandwich method”

That’s all useful but it barely touches the depth of what’s really going on.

Relating brings up our attachment styles, our self-concepts, our wounds around visibility or rejection. It taps into our nervous system’s survival wiring and our internal narratives about power, value, and safety.

And if we’re not aware of it, it plays out silently — in tension, withdrawal, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or conflict.

In other words, our workplace relationships activate our inner landscapes and that’s where the real opportunity lies.

🪞 How the Shadow Comes Into Play

If you find someone at work unbearable, chances are they’re reflecting something you haven't yet made peace with in yourself.

• Maybe their directness feels aggressive — because your own assertiveness was never welcomed.

• Maybe their chaos unnerves you — because you rely on control to feel safe.

• Maybe their neediness irritates you — because you’ve spent years denying your own.

  
  

This doesn’t mean you’re to blame. It simply means that every relationship has the potential to be a mirror, revealing both your boundaries and your blind spots.

In my coaching work, I don’t try to “fix” these dynamics — instead I encourage you to get curious about them with me. We explore the energetic patterns, the body’s wisdom, and the deeper stories you’ve carried into your working life.

Bringing curiosity to the challenges we feel in relationship can free you from the binds of reactivity.

🌱 Compassionate Inquiry Is a Leadership Skill

Whether you’re a team member, a leader, or someone who often finds themselves quietly holding the emotional tone of the group — you don’t need to become invincible or endlessly accommodating.

But you do benefit from learning how to:

• Stay present to discomfort without reacting from it

• Listen to your body’s signals about what’s safe or misaligned

• Recognize when judgment is actually a projection

• Relate from curiosity instead of assumption

• See the “problem person” as a potential mirror, not just an obstacle

  
  

This doesn’t mean tolerating toxicity. It means becoming so self-aware that your relating becomes a site of clarity, not confusion.

💬 Final Thoughts + Invitation

Relating is messy — especially at work, where masks are often worn, roles are enforced, and vulnerability is subtle.

But messiness doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re in the game of being human — with all the complexity that involves.

If you’re navigating complex workplace dynamics or noticing patterns in how you relate — and you're curious to explore that more deeply, gently, with honesty and no judgment…

✨ I offer coaching spaces where we can do just that.

To navigate the complexity of work relationships you don't really need much more than a willingness to be curious.

Contact Me